Ah, I am so sorry for the lack of updates. I have now been sick going on 4 weeks. With a killer cough and going through tissues by the dozen. It's been, what can I say, horrible few weeks. I can't even tell what symptoms are from the pregnancy and what's from being so sick. My immune system has packed up and left! I do feel like I am fading both physically and mentally. My lack of self confidence is really starting show as the whole thing starts to sink in.
So lets get started on this update! Apart from being sick, in bed and barely being able to do much, even breath at times, I have managed to get through Christmas alive! I love Christmas. But this one was very different for me. No alcohol, no soft cheese, no raw seafood. And when it came to the presents that was very different for me. - (I had a whole paragraph written about this but then read it and felt I was being a selfish cow so deleted it.) Lets just say that I am very grateful but need to change my own way of thinking now.
One thing I have learnt over Christmas is, once your pregnant people treat you and even speak to you differently. Every horror story under the sun, all negative things and the comments 'your life is over' are all people want to talk to me about, like they are just waiting for me to throw my hands up in the air and say 'I'm out, I don't want to do this'. Well it's to late for that, all this does is cause great anxiety, stress and fear for me. I'm meant to be enjoying my pregnancy not resenting it because of everything people say to me. I'm starting to become terrified of the whole thing! Scared that I won't be able to do it. Not sleeping and feeling very anxious about everything. Then there are peoples opinions. We have decided that we want to find out the gender of the baby as soon as we can - and everyone and there dog is telling us that's the wrong thing to do! We should wait and have a surprise because 'that's the only surprise left in life'. Really! Really? After I opening tell people, yes we want to find out, they proceed to tell me I'm wrong!
I guess from all that, I'm struggling to deal with peoples perception of me now. I'm no longer myself, an individual, a human being - I am a baby carrier! I am a baby bump! My life is over!
The hormones are starting to get to me a bit as well I think. Being sick and exhausted every second of the day isn't helping though. There have been a few tears and I expect more to come. I feel overwhelmed I guess to put it in to one word. Even the idea of having to go back to work next week almost sends me in to a panic attack.
Being a little more positive! My belly is definitely starting to grow. By the end of the night, its fulling out there! next week we have our second scan, 12 week ultrasound. I'm excited and anxious of course!
I hope this wasn't to much of a rage vent!
Aww Teneil, I'm sending you many big hugs xx
ReplyDeleteI guess with any big event in someones life all the people around you want to talk to you about *the thing* but you get sick of it because it's all anyone wants to talk about and you're no longer just yourself - you're part of *the thing*.
I'm sure people think they are being funny or having a joke when they make all those negative comments, you hear it all the time. Having never been through it myself I can't offer much advice, but I would just tell them straight up that I don't appreciate it. It might offend them, but chances are they will shake it off as hormonal rage and not take it too personally :)
Hope you start feeling better soon x