Week 10/11/Xmas Update

Ah, I am so sorry for the lack of updates. I have now been sick going on 4 weeks. With a killer cough and going through tissues by the dozen. It's been, what can I say, horrible few weeks. I can't even tell what symptoms are from the pregnancy and what's from being so sick. My immune system has packed up and left! I do feel like I am fading both physically and mentally. My lack of self confidence is really starting show as the whole thing starts to sink in. 

So lets get started on this update! Apart from being sick, in bed and barely being able to do much, even breath at times, I have managed to get through Christmas alive! I love Christmas. But this one was very different for me. No alcohol, no soft cheese, no raw seafood. And when it came to the presents that was very different for me. - (I had a whole paragraph written about this but then read it and felt I was being a selfish cow so deleted it.) Lets just say that I am very grateful but need to change my own way of thinking now. 

One thing I have learnt over Christmas is, once your pregnant people treat you and even speak to you differently. Every horror story under the sun, all negative things and the comments 'your life is over' are all people want to talk to me about, like they are just waiting for me to throw my hands up in the air and say 'I'm out, I don't want to do this'. Well it's to late for that, all this does is cause great anxiety, stress and fear for me. I'm meant to be enjoying my pregnancy not resenting it because of everything people say to me. I'm starting to become terrified of the whole thing! Scared that I won't be able to do it. Not sleeping and feeling very anxious about everything. Then there are peoples opinions. We have decided that we want to find out the gender of the baby as soon as we can - and everyone and there dog is telling us that's the wrong thing to do! We should wait and have a surprise because 'that's the only surprise left in life'. Really! Really? After I opening tell people, yes we want to find out, they proceed to tell me I'm wrong! 

I guess from all that, I'm struggling to deal with peoples perception of me now. I'm no longer myself, an individual, a human being - I am a baby carrier! I am a baby bump! My life is over!

The hormones are starting to get to me a bit as well I think. Being sick and exhausted every second of the day isn't helping though. There have been a few tears and I expect more to come. I feel overwhelmed I guess to put it in to one word. Even the idea of having to go back to work next week almost sends me in to a panic attack. 

Being a little more positive! My belly is definitely starting to grow. By the end of the night, its fulling out there! next week we have our second scan, 12 week ultrasound. I'm excited and anxious of course! 

I hope this wasn't to much of a rage vent!

9 weeks update!

I was going to post a 9 week update questionnaire but most of the answers were pretty repetitive so thought I would do the questionnaire every fortnight. But will still do a brief update. This week I have been terribly sick. Going on 8 days now. Two doctors visits in three days and the rest on bed rest. I started out with a throat infection that quickly turned in to a sinus infection and now looks like a chest infection. I have been through more boxes of tissues then I ever thought existed. I'm tired, hungry, sore, grumpy and can't breath. In short, I haven't been in a good way.

On a lighter note I have received my 'save the date' for my first antenatal appointment with the hospital which is the 19th of January and made the appointment for my 12 week Ultrasound which is the 3rd of January (only 22 days away!). And next week I have another set of blood tests that need to be done. Let the pocking and prodding begin. 

The whole work situation has kind of gone from bad to worse for me. Just before finding out we were pregnant I got a new job which even after 2 months I still don't feel comfortable there and to be honest don't even know what my job is. I have had last week off sick and the doctor gave me a medical certificate til this Wednesday (which being a Casual I don't need but wanted to get to show them I wasn't just faking it cause apparently that's a thing that happens there). My mum dropped in to my work to speak to my boss and give her the certificate where she was told that the admin office (where I work) closes from the 19th for Christmas, which I was never told. And then my boss told her that she won't be back in the office til early February. This comes as a blow to me considering she tells me not to come in when she's not there - this shows how much I don't really have a set job as I need to be baby sat still after 2 months. I will call on Wednesday to find out the go but to be honest I am partly pleased I won't hopefully have to go there for at least  a few weeks as it's not a friendly place at all and I feel horrible there. On the down side, money! That makes life very hard for us. We just got a mortgage on our first home and are saving to buy all the baby things. It's not like I can go out and get another job, who wants to employ a pregnant woman? And to be honest I don't think I would be able to work much longer with getting sick so badly already. So really I'm confused, angry and annoyed! Plus not sure what to do next to be honest. 

Right now all I want is to be able to breath and go 2 minutes without having to blow my nose! People should never take cold & flu tablets for guaranteed. Not being able to take anything is a massive struggle!  

Bed Rest Plus A Vent!

Well all day morning sickness has hit me hard and fast. I even went to the doctors today and have been put on a weeks bed rest. I am not a big sleeper but in the last 3 days have probably slept more then I have in my life and eaten a lot less then I really should. It has really hit me for 6. A weeks less work at this time of year is hard to take but I need to put my health and baby first. 

I must admit, I do struggle with having to just stop. The house is a mess, there's laundry to be done, dishes, mess upon mess. And there's nothing I can do - well I could but I'd just end up being even more useless. 

Now I am struggling with a killer sore throat - like I'm talking razor blades and that seedy feeling. 

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I figured seeing as I had time I'd have a little vent as well. 

The minute someone says 'You should...' or 'When I was pregnant...' I've already started to cringe. People say that hate receiving advice when pregnant then seem to forget and bombard newly pregnant people with their advice. It's infuriating. Most of the time a lot of the 'advice' I get is conflicting other other advice which only causes me to get more confused and anxious. I understand that people think that once they've had a baby they are an expert in pregnancy but the thing is they are only experts in their own pregnancy not anyone else's. And from what I have seen everyone's pregnancy is different. The nightmare stories, the comments about my life being over and the constant reminder that 'I'm done for now'. I don't understand. How is any of that meant to make me feel better considering I feel like complete crap physically. 

I think at the moment I'm frustrated with how I feel physically and it's taking its toll mentally and emotionally. Both my body and mind are going through something it's never been through before and it's just exhausted to say the least. 

Pregnancy Questionnaire Week 8

Nauseated but hungry. Tired but unable to sleep. Pudgy but not pregnant-looking. In pain from a variety of complaints and suffering from a weakened immune system but forbidden from taking most over-the-counter remedies. Moody and cranky and irritable and weepy. (Quote) - This sums up how I feel today in a nutshell. Miserable but happy to know there is something growing inside me. 

How far along? 8 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I have only gained maybe half a kilo

Stretch marks: Nope (Fingers crossed this doesn't happen but I know I don't get much of a say)

Sleep: I am usually a night owl and suffer from insomnia. In my exhaustion I have been going to bed earlier and earlier. At the moment it get's to 10pm and I'm ready to go, and asleep by about 11pm. This is huge for me. I do however wake at least once a night to go to the bathroom and then I toss and turn a little. But have been waking a lot earlier then I'm used to and struggle to sleep in. 

Best moment this week: First ever ultrasound! As much as I was concentrating on not peeing on the guy it was kinda surreal. Happened very fast cause they want to get you in and out. But as soon as he put the ultrasound thingy on my belly, there it was. I knew exactly what I was looking at and there was no denying, there was definitely a baby in there. He commented straight away about the super strong heart beat. 

Have you told family and friends: Yes! This has to be the worst kept secret of the century. Telling people has to be my favourite part. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: My favourite meal is bacon & eggs, made it Friday morning and had two mouthfuls and that was it - I couldn't eat it, I was devastated.  I'll be hungry (like always) but very picky.

Have you started to show yet: I have this little bloated belly that wasn't there before. And I've noticed that just above my belly is starting to get really hard. I can't stuck in my belly anymore either. So there is something happening there.

Gender prediction: Everytime I think about the baby, in my mind I see it as a girl. We are happy either way so I'm trying not to see it as one or the other in case it's the opposite.

Maternity clothes: This I have to admit I've been wearing a few. With a bloated belly that I have my new Maternity jeans and shorts are so damn comfortable. Plus the Maternity undies don't dig in to my belly.

Other symptoms: My skin has kind of exploded this week which I was hoping wouldn't. No morning sickness (thank-god) but feeling alittle funny every now and them - take today for example, I haven't been able to move from the couch I've felt terrible. It's hard to explain its not nausea but I definitely don't feel well at all. Some irregular mild headaches. And mainly just the bloated bubbly belly and nasal congestion - which is damn annoying. 

Movement: Nope

Food cravings: Everything that's bad for me! And everything that will give me quick energy. When I'm feeling not so well I have been really struggling to eat, mainly grazing on grapes, chocolate and cheese (craving dairy I think. Plus I'm feeling rather anemic and find that on the days I go to work if I have a roast beef sandwich at lunch I do get a small second wind of energy to just get me through the afternoon. 

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out: In - I really hope it stays in. I have a pretty deep belly button so I'm hopeful.

Wedding rings on or off: It's been getting really hot here already with Summer arriving this week so instead of my usual 3 rings on my ring finger I've cut it back to just the one.

Happy or Moody most of the time: I have to say I've been pretty happy. Exhausted but happy. Every now and then I'll have a scary nasty mood swing and just want to kill everyone but it doesn't last to long. 

Milestones: Seeing the baby's heartbeat! Putting a pram and car seat on layby along with the cot and change table. We want to be organized as it's suspected that my energy levels won't rise to much in the next 7 months. So the sooner we get things ready the easier it will be plus financially putting the bigger things on layby early will give us more time to pay them off. 

Cats Out Of The Bag!

Some might have guessed with talk of changes and getting back to blogging that something was up. Well, here it is. I'm pregnant! My husband and I are having our first baby. 

I think I'm still in shock at the idea of having something growing inside me but today was our very first ultrasound and still all I can do is giggle in between my exhaustion. 

I plan on blogging throughout the whole pregnancy, more of a way to keep my own record of everything. Plus week by week updates and progress reports. 

Today's ultrasound showed one very strong little bean with a heart rate of 158 bpm and measuring 7 weeks and 1 day, although by my calculations I'm 7 weeks 4 days. The ultrasound guy said I could go by my dates because they were in the 6 days they leave for error. So we are looking at a Winter baby, 18-22 July, 2015. 

It has honestly been the worst kept secret. Close family knew the week I knew and close friends were very close behind. I know announcing early isn't the 'done' thing in some peoples eyes and I respect that. For me though I wanted to celebrate and scream it from the roof the second I found out - more so to make it real for myself I think. But also because if anything was to go wrong (which touch wood, doesn't) I would have the love and support I'd need. 

I have been very lucky with minimal to no morning sickness, just a bit of nausea here and there. I have been very hungry and extremely tried. The exhaustion is a whole new thing that I can't even put in to words. It's not a tiredness I've ever felt before, I don't even know if tired and exhausted are ever the right words to describe it. Sometimes it gets unbearable and frustrating. Like tonight, I'm very tried (but not sleeping tired), getting a headache and have so much I need to do but I need to accept that it's not going to get done which is hard. My husband has been a huge help but sometimes I just need to leave the house messier then I'd like it to be. 

We've started a list of names that we like and have a few of the larger nursery items already on layby - we are seriously the easiest couple when it comes shopping for baby. Pram, car seat, cot and change table are all on layby and out of the way. Which has definitely made things a lot less stressful financially. I have the hope and plan to have a Lion themed nursery as well.

So much going on, I have to admit it can get overwhelming, scaring and confusing at times. Everything my body and mind are going through is completely new to me. And at times I feel like I'm totally alone. But then the hormones past and everything is ok. And now they I have our first ultrasound picture I have visual proof of everything that is happening which makes it easier. 

Hopefully this week I will get some photos and my first week by week update written up and ready to post so hopefully you'll join me on this crazy ride!